Loss Avoidance Complicates Principled Romantic Relationships

This article, titled "Loss Avoidance Complicates Principled Romantic Relationships," by Stan Tatkin, explores the complexities of attachment and romantic relationships. Tatkin argues that many couples rely too heavily on emotional highs and lows, rather than establishing a secure-functioning relationship based on shared principles of governance, fairness, and mutual sensitivity. The biological attachment system often drives partners to stay together out of fear of loss, rather than true partnership. This attachment can lead to dysfunctional dynamics, such as dependency and codependency, which prevent couples from forming interdependent, equal relationships. Tatkin emphasizes the importance of creating a shared purpose, vision, and principles to guide the relationship, rather than relying solely on feelings of love. The article also highlights the need for partners to maintain autonomy and the ability to enforce principles, even when it is difficult, to build a healthy, secure relationship.

  • Understand the difference between secure-functioning relationships and those based on insecure attachment.

  • Explore the impact of the biological attachment system on romantic relationships and decision-making.

  • Recognize the importance of establishing shared principles of governance in a romantic relationship.

  • Identify the challenges posed by dependency and codependency in maintaining a healthy partnership.

  • Examine how fear of loss and avoidance of difficult decisions can undermine relationship stability.

  • Learn strategies for building interdependence and equality in romantic relationships through mutual agreements and collaboration.

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